Zia Darakshan
Life is unpredictable. No matter how carefully we plan, everything can change in an instant. Despite our best efforts to fulfill our ambitions, they often fall apart, leaving us confused. And perhaps, that very confusion is what life truly is. All our lives, we strive to achieve that one perfect life; some fail, some achieve, yet no one achieves it to the core.
Families are our strongest support system. They protect us, nurture us, and help us stand firm in the face of adversity. But when families disintegrate a person feels lost, vulnerable, and incomplete.
In such circumstances, anyone who stands tall against all odds and fights their battles is definitely extraordinary. And if that person is a woman, it becomes all the more relevant to give her due credit in a society that is male-driven.
A woman who raises her children without support from her husband or family is often branded as a single mother. The word itself carries enough pain, not because a woman can’t be single, but how a woman without a man can go through the ordeal in a world that judges her at every move, questions her singlehood, and finally issues a letter of being unfit for a society that is hollow in itself.
The battles, the struggles, and the silent courage a woman has to withhold on this path go unnoticed and unacknowledged. She lives under constant scrutiny, with society always ready to judge her freely and mercilessly. Let alone acknowledging her strength, her singlehood is not even being considered normal. Constantly judged, scrutinised, even diminished, making her worth as insignificant as though her identity is incomplete without a man. She has to walk on the edge of a knife; at the same time, complaining of the pain is considered her failure.
As a child, I used to wonder whether God is a man or a woman. The answer was always the same: God is “He.” Not because of any divine truth, but because the idea itself presents him that way. This shaped my early perception that if God is “He,” then perhaps men are meant to be superior, and women, lesser.
But as I grew older, my understanding evolved. Life revealed a reality far different from what I had once believed. The world is neither simple nor fair, not even black and white.
In a small society like Kashmir, a single woman is often referred to as “batta traem” (platter of food) a deeply problematic expression indeed, implying that she is available to anyone without question. One can imagine the harsh reality behind such notions of how our society perceives her.
Ironically, the jarring judgments often come from women, regardless of whether they are happily or unhappily married. Hang on, paradoxically, most men may privately die for her attention.
Even if she is doing better than many men who fail to take responsibility for their own lives, however, our society leaves no stone unturned to push her to the wall. Yes, but women empowerment is celebrated across the globe without any fail. I fathom to understand: is Women Empowerment Day celebrated for women or men, or just to celebrate the day in the disguise of emancipation?
The biggest challenge for that single woman is to protect herself from the predators who are roaming to mar her reputation, dignity, credibility, and trust. And it requires her to remain alert and vigilant not only to protect her reputation but her survival.
The taunts she endures, the isolation she feels, and even the lack of support from her own people often go unnoticed.
A man is born a man by chance. A woman, however, is expected to prove her worth at every stage of life. From this simple truth, one can understand whose journey is more difficult.
The Almighty exists beyond human labels ;beyond gender, beyond language, beyond all hierarchies we create. Wisdom, however, comes with time.
When we all are incomplete in one or other way, still striving to achieve, yet we make the life of that one single woman difficult with our own false sense of pride, as if we have achieved something or completed our pretentious journey.
